Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
