Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
