went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
