miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
