But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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