But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
