Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
