i don't plan on having that self control this summer
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
