The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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