Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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