i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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