the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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