I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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