Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
