and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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