Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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