Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize