I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
