Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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