my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
