Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
