Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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