Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
