So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
