I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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