New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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