Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
please come you make the beer taste better
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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