Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
