So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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