look no pants
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
