EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize