so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Nicole vs. Life
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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