That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
