Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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