I want to have your abortion
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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