she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize