I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Green mimosas i think yes
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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