Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
