Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
