Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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