They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
