She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Holy sore nipples Batman
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
