i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
