it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize