Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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