roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
