I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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