Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
