Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
