i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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