Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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