she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
