Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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