i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
