I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
