So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize