Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
