i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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