So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
