Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
