32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
