Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
