At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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