we made out on top of his cat.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
