Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
