Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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