I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
