On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
