I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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